is your mom at the bar?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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