The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
