Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
