I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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