I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
