Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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