Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
