Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
