we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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