Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
