Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
