its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
