So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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