Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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