I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
