there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
