I think my vagina is haunted
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
