Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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