i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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