I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
