alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
