Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
