wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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