I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
