day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
