Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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