Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
