his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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