I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
