he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
