This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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