YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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