my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, beer. Big fan.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
