I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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