So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
