He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
