i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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