your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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