You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
