Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
