Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
