Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
