There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
