I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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