i love accidental penises.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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