It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
