So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
