For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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