Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
