You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
