She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
