I wish my penis had an off switch
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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