I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
