3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
