So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
