I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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